The Morning After
by Chrysalis1
Summary: A momentary lapse of reason can have lasting repercussions. Xander's POV. B/X
1. The Morning

The Morning After  
  
Rating: R due to language  
  
Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine. I wish they were, but I am not that lucky, nor am I that rich  
  
Beta'd by Sajinn  
  
Feedback is desperately needed. If not, I will keep writing badly and keep posting them.  
  
Set Season 6. After "Hell's Bells" Willow and Tara are together, though.  
  
This is written in Xander's POV.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
  
  
I cannot believe my life on the Hellmouth. Just as soon as I think I've seen everything, fate rips me a new one. I mean mummies, bug people, vampires, werewolves, demons of every sort, I've seen 'em all. Hell, I even tried to make out with a few of them- Ampata, Ms. French, Cordelia, Anya. I know, I know, Cordelia is not a monster from hell—but if we'd been anywhere but here, would I have even had a chance with her? I think not.  
  
Then there's Anya… I hurt her so badly, walking out of our own wedding like that. I taught her how to be human, and I guess that was my last lesson. I did love her- I do love her still, but not in an "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" sort of way. I thought that I did, but all of that wedding stuff just got to me.  
  
I think I would have gone through with the wedding if we'd gone in the direction I wanted- small, just the Scoobies. But no, Anya wanted a lavish affair. I don't fault her for that, but seeing my parents was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I admit, at least to myself, my family is extremely fucked up. The way they acted before the ceremony made me realize that I have no idea what a good marriage is supposed to be. I couldn't put Anya or myself through that kind of hell. We have enough here, no use adding more.  
  
I guess you're wondering what brought on this rant. To tell you the truth, I don't know. Really—I have no memory of what made me want to spill my guts. All I know is that the guys from work took me out last night. Seeing as how I didn't want to be alone in my apartment, I stayed longer than I should've. We went to a bar, and I guess I had a few too many. The guys were cheering me up, and I couldn't not take them up on their offer of more and more free beer. Well, I guess I could have stopped, but that would have been very unmanly.  
  
After my 5th (or maybe the 10th) round, I draw a blank. I have no idea how I got home, and I really have no idea how Buffy came to be in bed with me. Yup that's right. Buffy is sleeping next to me, and let me check… yup, we're nekkid. At least I know I am, and Buffy doesn't seem to be wearing a top. Contrary to what y'all are thinking, I'm a gentleman, and it seems icky to look too closely into this situation.  
  
Now what's so bad about having Buffy in my bed? I mean this was my fantasy all through high school. The thing is, I don't know how or why she's here. Did we? Didn't we? Was it so bad I've repressed it? Was it so good it blew my mind? Was she under some big, bad mojo, or what? Yes I have to think the worst, because do you really think she would want me after all these years? Ok, gotta get up. Done. Gotta find shorts. Where are the damn shorts? Oh, here they are, all the way across the room. Gotta pee. Shit! Buffy's waking up, what do I say? What do I do?  
  
"Good morning Xander. Xander? What are *you* doing in *my* room?" Buffy looked around. "Better question, why am *I* in *your* bed?....AND Naked?! Turn around! Where are my clothes?"  
  
I handed her a top hanging from my dresser. She found her pants nearby, quickly dressing and thereby increasing the tension markedly. One of us had to speak first, and of course, it would be me.  
  
"I guess an explanation is going to be tough, Buff. I have no idea about what's going on any more than you. The last thing I remember is singing "Sweet Home Alabama" with the guys from work. What about you?"  
  
"Um... I was patrolling, you know the usual, and I thought I went home. I need to get back and check on Dawn." She left in a rush, completely avoiding me, and I could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth. 


	2. The Day

The Morning After  
  
Rating: R due to language  
  
Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine. I wish they were, but I am not that lucky, nor am I that rich  
  
Beta'd by Sajinn  
  
Feedback is desperately needed. If not, I will keep writing badly and keep posting them.  
  
Set Season 6. After "Hell's Bells" Willow and Tara are together, though.  
  
This is written in Xander's POV.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Now that Buffy's run off, what can I do? Of course, I could do what I usually do on a Saturday: eat and then go back to sleep for a while before heading to the Magic Box wherein I stand around researching/people watching/comic relief. I go about making my famous waffles for one, sit and eat while watching TV. TV is a very good distraction when you don't want to think. I try to go back to bed, but I can still see Buffy's impression on the pillow, smell her fragrance on my sheets. Sleep is definitely impossible, and I have no idea what to say to the gang today. Morning routine broken, what can I do now?  
  
I just decided to brave my friends and head to the Magic Box. Maybe they'll give me some insights on what Buffy was doing before we ended up in bed together. Of course, I'm not going to mention it for many reasons. Number one, my sex life is none of their business. I always tried to keep Anya from discussing it, no matter what my friends think. Number two, it would bring up that whole "high school crush" stuff and I am over that… I think. Last, but not least, it would upset Buffy, and I can't do that to her. We need to sort everything between us, not the whole gang.  
  
The store is quiet this time of morning. People don't usually crowd the store at 10:00 in the morning. I headed to the training room to think. The gang was surprisingly absent, so I have all the equipment to myself. Exercising frees my mind and I can think much better. During my workout, I decided to talk to Buffy as soon as possible so we can piece the night together, and put it behind us. I need so see if my feelings for her have grown, and if we did have sex, I want to take responsibility. Wow, a kid. Never thought I'd have one of those before I grew up. Don't know what to think now.  
  
I guess I exercised longer than I thought. Now everybody is here, the Scoobies and shoppers alike. Dawn, Buffy, Willow and Tara are sitting at the table, researching, while Anya tries to separate the fools from their money. I guess "The Talk" has to be put off for now. I sat and started to read the book Will gives me. They eventually look up and start rehashing the events of last night.  
  
"Hey Buff, where did you go after we left the Bronze? We were going to patrol with you, but we couldn't find you. Tara and I ended up going home," Willow asked in her usual inquisitive way.  
  
"Yeah, um, I went straight to walk the cemeteries. Didn't find anything except a drunken Xander. I took him home to sleep it off." Buffy looked at me pointedly, her eyes saying Not. A. Word.  
  
"Xander, you got drunk? You said that you were just going to have one beer with the guys and meet us afterwards. We got worried and called you, and got no answer. I guess the estrogen crowd isn't good enough for you anymore?" Willow had her "Stupid Xander" look on.  
  
"Honey, didn't you say yesterday that it was good he found guy friends?" Tara looked at me with an expression of sympathy. "You said he needed to get the excess testosterone out of his system."  
  
"Wills, I was headed to the Bronze, but they kept buying me more rounds. I couldn't say no to the free beer. Anyway, I never got a call on my cell. I decided that I needed to go home when Buffy found me. I promise I will hang tonight, though. What are my favorite women doing?" I gave my patented goofy smile, hoping all, or most, was forgiven.  
  
"Sis and I are doing the family bonding thing tonight. Willow has her addicts meeting and Tara's got homework." Dawn was happy having her sister to herself tonight. I haven't seen the girl like this in a while. Definitely no talk tonight.  
  
"I guess I'm left to my own devices. Hmm, a night at home might do me some good."  
  
Not likely. Maybe I'll just get drunk on my own. No, scratch that. Drunk leads to no memories. That's what I'll do. Look for something that will help retrieve my memories. That way I'll know what we did, and the best way to mention it to Buffy. That sounds like a plan. I'll find a nice, simple spell that is hard to screw up.  
  
"Um… Xander? Why are you looking at me that way? Get to reading," Buffy asked me in a tone of nonchalance, but had fear in her eyes.  
  
Shit! I've been staring at her during my whole inner monologue! She's probably scared I'm going to mention last night.  
  
"Sorry, Buff. Just formulating my plans for the evening. A night at home will do the trick." I started my research anew, looking for the needed spell. I have most of the ingredients at home. One never knows when evil will strike. I may not have been a Boy Scout, but I believe in their motto wholeheartedly. I try to be always prepared… except for last night…I think. 


	3. The Spell

The Morning After  
  
Rating: R due to language  
  
Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine. I wish they were, but I am not that lucky, nor am I that rich  
  
Beta'd by Sajinn  
  
Feedback is desperately needed. If not, I will keep writing badly and keep posting them.  
  
Set Season 6. After "Hell's Bells" Willow and Tara are together, though.  
  
This is written in Xander's POV.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
They don't think I know much about magic, but I've been reading about it since before Buffy came to Sunnydale. When everyone caught me checking out those books, I played the "Horny Xander" role, but the subject really interested me. After watching Amy and all of her issues, my studies became more secret. Willow is more gung-ho than me, but given the opportunity, I can hold my own. I got the rest of the ingredients, along with a copy of the spell as discretely as possible, which isn't hard when everybody else is preoccupied. When the research party broke up, I grabbed my stuff and headed home.  
  
The spell looked very easy…but as always, looks can be deceiving. I prepared the needed components, and formed the circle. The spell began when I closed my eyes and started chanting, all the while focusing on last night. I felt this haze swirl around me, and suddenly the scenery changes. There is this other me drinking like a sailor at the bar.  
  
Eew, He's really drunk. And as all good drunks know, the mouth starts running. He starts to reminisce about Buffy, her death(s), and subsequent returns. The guys are just as sloshed, so they take no notice of these ramblings. Bring up all of these memories, reminds him that he is late to meet the girls at the Bronze. The others never notice his exit.  
  
Next thing I see is the other me wandering around a cemetery with not a care in the world. How stupid people can be when they are that smashed? Especially people who know what lurks after dark. Knowing my luck, I should have been brunch for some fledglings who want an easy snack. Aaand heeere they are! He can't even defend himself, but is trying valiantly, giving the Demons a chance to work up an appetite. Fortunately, and as you can probably guess, Buffy shows up, killing the Vamps easily.  
  
Did I mention that a Drunk Xander is not the most tactful? Now comes the part where Buffy uses her Slayer strength and drags the other me home. He dominates the conversation repeating his drunken ramblings from the bar. Anya now becomes the focus, especially the reasons for leaving her at the altar. About always knowing there wouldn't be a wedding, but leading her on anyway. Shit! Now a diatribe about my shitty home life. I know they know my parents suck, but I've never gone into major detail. At least not with Buffy, and not with Willow in a few years.  
  
We move to outside my door and we fumble with my keys. Buffy finally unlocks my door, and leads me in. Keeping with the theme of my shitty life, I start talking about life here with Anya, and how this place reminds me of, well, our intimate moments. It's kind of weird, Buffy really hasn't talked much. Maybe because she's so disgusted with my behavior. I don't know. Here comes my favorite line so far… "You know I never loved Anya as much I loved you, and still love you. That's why I went along with the spell to bring you back. I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without you."  
  
Yup, the sloshed Xander spilled the beans. And all this time I thought my crush had waned, but it was flowing somewhere in the subconscious. I guess being drunk lets all of the emotions flow. Ooh, more drabble, and this time there was some mention about showing her the more physical aspects of my love. Now here comes the more confusing part: She accepts. She starts kissing me passionately, saying, "Show me how much you love me." I know I would never have slept with her, even this drunk, if she didn't want me to. She started to undress me, and then herself. I'm not going to go into the sordid details, but suffice it to say, we screwed. This may have been making love on my part, but I was too drunk, and it seemed she just wanted a fuck. We fall asleep wrapped in each other, a smile on my lips, and a kind of peaceful, painful smile on hers.  
  
I wake out of the trance, more determined than ever to talk to Buffy. 


	4. The Talk

The Morning After  
  
Rating: R due to language  
  
Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine. I wish they were, but I am not that lucky, nor am I that rich  
  
Beta'd by Sajinn  
  
Feedback is desperately needed. If not, I will keep writing badly and keep posting them.  
  
Set Season 6. After "Hell's Bells" Willow and Tara are together, though.  
  
This is written in Xander's POV.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
As much as I tried, I could never find Buffy alone. It's as if she's avoiding me, or more accurately, "The Talk." Finally, after about two weeks of this, I trapped her in the training room of the Magic Box. She attempted to leave, but I stopped her. "Oh no you don't. We need to talk about that night. I remembered everything that happened."  
  
"What are you talking about? Nothing happened. I just took you home because you were to drunk to get there yourself." Buffy just stood there looking at me like I have two heads.  
  
"If nothing happened, Buffy, then why do you keep avoiding me, and any reference to that night?" I'm really starting to get angry. I thought she was just embarrassed, but now? She has no right to deny what she initiated.  
  
"It's not something I want to rehash." She spoke as if the matter was closed.  
  
"Dammit, Buffy! We had sex! You could have stopped at any time. I may have been drunk enough to make the suggestion, but not drunk enough to act. Even then, I realized you could pummel me if I even tried. You Kissed Me." I seethed, trying to keep my emotions check, and failing miserably.  
  
"Look, Xander, I guess I got carried away by your admissions. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I hope it doesn't interfere with anything, and it will never happen again." She was way too calm. I was hoping to get a reaction from her- any reaction. None pissed me off even more.  
  
"Interfere! Hell it already is! You keep avoiding me, going off with Willow and even Spike. Trust me this has already 'interfered' and I just want to know why. You never even looked at me that way before." My fuming had turned to confusion.  
  
"I don't know why, I never know why! Let's just put this behind us and forget about it, please?" She's starting to cry now, as her emotions get the better of her. She tried to hide by hitting the punching bag. Never know why? I wondered about that statement, but decided to let it pass.  
  
"Look, Buffy, I'm sorry I yelled at you, but I do not want to ruin our friendship with a one-night-stand. If you want to forget about it, then so be it." I gave her a friendly hug, and left the shop. Forget it? Now that I've remembered, there is no chance of forgetting. It was one night with the woman of my dreams, and probably the last. 


	5. Talk with Tara

The Morning After  
  
Rating: R due to language  
  
Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine. I wish they were, but I am not that lucky, nor am I that rich  
  
Beta'd by Sajinn  
  
Feedback is desperately needed. If not, I will keep writing badly and keep posting them.  
  
Set Season 6. After "Hell's Bells" Willow and Tara are together, though.  
  
This is written in Xander's POV.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
A couple of months later, I walked into the shop. Spike's there just looking at me with this mixture of hatred and mirth. He just looks at me and smirks, "Hey Daddio, what's shakin?"  
  
"Not you, oh Chipped One. And how are my favorite women today?" Willow and Tara laughed. Dawn gave me a hug, Anya even smiled. I hope she has gotten over the worst of her hurt. I explained why I had to do what I did. She said she understood, and would not try to get all Vengeance Demony on me…at least not any more. Buffy, though, she hung back like she has been ever since we slept together. I've tried to act normally, but she's still been distant, and I noticed that she's looking paler than usual.  
  
I need to talk to someone about this. The guys at work are out because of the whole Slayer/Demon thing. I can't talk to Willow because she'll just be 'oh poor, stupid Xander, it's all your fault. Dawn is out, and Spike, well I would but I really don't want to be subject of ridicule. Maybe Tara. I'll ask her sometime today.  
  
I finally got the chance. She agreed, and we set a meeting at the coffee shop for later in the day.  
  
I arrived before Tara, and snagged a table near the back of the place. Mmm, coffee. These are definitely the moments of our lives. There she is, and I wave her over.  
  
"Thanks for meeting me."  
  
"No problem Xander. I'm here to help, but I just have one question: Why me and not Willow? I mean, she's known you forever and all." She questioned softly, and seemed unsure about our meeting.  
  
"Well Tara, it's got something to do with Buffy. I'm sure Wills has told you about my little, well, major crush on her in High School. I'm afraid she'll just see it as an extension of that." My explanation relieved her worries, and relaxed a bit.  
  
I think Tara had some clue about my situation, and sipped her coffee, waiting for me to explain. "It goes sorta like this, Do you remember the night I got drunk with the guys and Buffy had to take me home?" She nodded. "I didn't. At least not until later the next day." I didn't want to mention how.  
  
"See she took me home, and all the while I'm blubbering about Anya, and why I couldn't marry her. We finally get to my apartment, and that's where drunken Xander made his big mistake. I told Buffy I didn't love Anya as much as I love her. One thing led to another and we slept together." I looked at her through the top of my mug, trying not to make eye contact. I try to keep my sex life out of conversation.  
  
I saw a spark of recognition from Tara. "So that's why she started avoiding you. I wondered what happened."  
  
"Yup, I finally talked to her about that night and first she denied the whole thing. Then I got angry and she admitted it, wanted to forget, and pretend the night never happened. I tried to do that, acting as usual, but she's still been distant. I didn't mean to hurt her at all, I just want my friend back."  
  
"This admission, did you ever want to act on it since you left Anya?" Good ole Tara, getting to the heart of the matter.  
  
"I didn't even realize it, until I was too drunk to stop myself. I thought it was over, I mean, I thought I had accepted the friends only clause. But now, I can't help but think I've been in love with her all this time. But I never even thought of cheating on Anya the whole time we were together."  
  
Tara and I talked for over two hours. She listened to me pour my heart out, helping me put things in perspective. 


	6. The Realization

The Morning After  
  
Rating: R due to language  
  
Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine. I wish they were, but I am not that lucky, nor am I that rich  
  
Beta'd by Sajinn  
  
Feedback is desperately needed. If not, I will keep writing badly and keep posting them.  
  
Set Season 6. After "Hell's Bells" Willow and Tara are together, though.  
  
This is written in Xander's POV.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
After Tara and I talked, I went home to my memories- both good and bad. Eventually sleep overtook me, creating dreams of Buffy. I woke the next morning more relaxed and ready for work. That day, even my co-workers noticed the change in my anxiety level. As usual, I went to the shop after work to get a patrol update to see if there were any baddies to research.  
  
The object of my dreams was surprisingly absent, but everyone else was there: Anya at the cash register, ringing up a sale, Willow and Tara huddled together at the table looking over a book, and Dawn talking with Spike. I started toward the table, when I felt Spike's eyes boring holes through my skull. If looks could kill, his chip would have given him one hell of a headache. Trying to ignore the fangless one, I sit next to the witches and help with research.  
  
"We're trying to figure what's wrong with Buffy. She's been sick lately, and there seems to be no reason for it." Willow looked up from her research, worriedly. Tara just looked at me with some sort of message in her eyes, though I couldn't figure what she was trying to tell me.  
  
"What's wrong with her? I mean what are her symptoms?" I asked with some trepidation. The last time she was ill, some demon was killing little kids.  
  
"What d'ya think Droopy? She throws up at the mention of food, and looks like she's been worshiping the porcelain god even when she's 'fine,'" Spike snarled at me like I was to blame…  
  
Wait a second, Tara's eye message, is she? But then how would Spike know? Tara is the only one who knows about that night. Maybe it's one of those vampire things… eew. But we were only together that one night, and she'd tell me, wouldn't she? I know she's been distant since then, but she would still tell me. I really need to talk to Buffy.  
  
During my little inner monologue, every one started to stare at me. I guess they've never seen "pensive Xander" before. "What? Just a little shocked is all." Trying to look as if I have no idea as to the source of Buffy's illness, but I must have failed.  
  
"Do you know why Buffy's sick Xander?" Spike asked me with knowing eyes. There was one thing I thought to do in this situation- lie.  
  
"No Clue, Fangless. I'm as worried as you all." That must have satisfied everyone except Tara and Spike, but they chose not to contradict me.  
  
The interrogation over for the moment, we all went back to our activities. A while later, Tara and I met glances, and I decided to go back to the training room. After a few minutes, Tara followed.  
  
As soon as she stepped in, I looked at her, "Do you think she is?"  
  
Tara silently replied, "Yes, Xander. I've seen her more often than you, and it seems she has the classic symptoms."  
  
I ran my hand through my hair, "Does she know, I mean… I don't know what I mean."  
  
Tara calmly walked toward me, "I'm not sure. She has to have some inkling, but whether or not she's willing to admit it is something you two need to talk about."  
  
"You know, Willow's lucky to have you." I looked at her with a smile, and she blushed. "Can you make some excuse for me? I need to talk to her alone." Tara nodded her assent, and left through the back door to Buffy's house.  
  
  
  
Sorry for the short chapter. More to follow shortly. 


	7. The Test

The Morning After  
  
Rating: R due to language  
  
Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine. I wish they were, but I am not that lucky, nor am I that rich  
  
Beta'd by Sajinn  
  
Feedback is desperately needed. If not, I will keep writing badly and keep posting them.  
  
Set Season 6. After "Hell's Bells" Willow and Tara are together, though.  
  
This is written in Xander's POV.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
As I drove through the streets of Sunnydale, my mind was a blur. I couldn't focus on the road, but luckily, my car knew just where to go. What do I say to Buffy? Shit and other four letter euphemisms just kept repeating themselves over and over in the back of my mind. I looked around and saw all of these happy families; children playing in their yards, completely unaware of the real things that go bump in the night. Must be nice. Sometimes I wish I were as "in the dark" but I also know that if I had not seen and experienced the real Sunnydale, things would be so much worse.  
  
After a trip to the store, my car stopped right in front of her house. It's now or never, and a coward I am not. I knocked on her door, but when no one answered, I used my key and walked in. While looking around for Buffy, I noticed the pictures. There were ones of Joyce, Dawn, and Buffy, but I focused on the photos of us- the Scoobies in all their different incarnations. They seemed to be in order- starting with just Giles and the three of us progressing to include Angel, Oz, Cordelia, Tara, Anya, even Riley. The pictures got fewer and fewer as time progressed to the point that I couldn't even find any from after her second resurrection. My gaze focused on those early days. Buffy looked so happy. Such a difference between then and now- I mean yeah, we've all grown up, but the smiles no longer show the innocence we once had, and all the wounds inflicted upon us.  
  
My thoughts brought me back to the present and the reason for my visit. I still needed to find Buffy, so I left the pictures and resumed my search. I checked the whole first floor before going upstairs. There she was, in her room lying on the bed, clutching Mr. Gordo. Her eyes were closed, but I could tell she was awake, as if she didn't notice my presence, but I knew the truth- she was trying to avoid me. From the door, I called her name. She didn't answer me, pretending to be asleep, but her body betrayed her. She stiffened every time I spoke. I finally marched up to her bed, and forced her to answer me.  
  
"Buffy, I know you're awake, and we need to talk." I was already frustrated, and she had yet to say a word.  
  
She turned away from me and mumbled into her pillow "Go away, Xander. I'm not feeling well."  
  
"I know Buff, and I think I know why." My words were soft, hopefully showing the calm I didn't feel. After a few more moments of silence, I spoke again, "I think it has something to do with our night together. We didn't use protection, and… well could you be pregnant?"  
  
"Pregnant? Xander, you have got to be kidding! It's just the flu." I could tell she was lying, and even worse, trying to convince herself. "I'll be fine in a few days, now go away."  
  
"Buffy, don't do that. I need to know if there is even a remote possibility. I want you to know before you answer that if you are, I will take responsibility. I will be there for you and the baby." I hope the nervousness, excitement and dread didn't show through my voice.  
  
"I'm not pregnant, Xander. It's just the flu." She still did not want to accept it, and I had to make her- for all of our sakes.  
  
"Then prove it. I have one of those home pregnancy tests that you don't have to take first thing in the morning. Take it, and if it's negative, then I'll leave you to your "flu" and not bring the subject up again." I used Willow's resolve face to emphasize my point.  
  
"Fine, just to show you I'm NOT pregnant. Give me the test." She leapt from the bed, grabbed the box from my hand, ran to the bathroom and closed the door.  
  
I waited outside the bedroom door for Buffy to finish. 


End file.
